


Something That Is Immortal

by jendaiyu



Category: SixTONES (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Angst, Bittersweet, Gay Male Character, Idols, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-20
Updated: 2019-04-20
Packaged: 2020-01-22 19:57:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18534430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jendaiyu/pseuds/jendaiyu
Summary: I will wait for you till the day I can forget you or till the day you realize you cannot forget me.Rather than regret, I need one more chance, one time that is eternal.





	Something That Is Immortal

**Something That Is Immortal**

**.**

**.**

_._

_I guess this thought won't reach you anymore._

.

.

Shizuoka Station that morning was not very crowded, but still made Hokuto feel anxious and hoped the train that would take him to Tokyo would soon arrive. He took out reading glasses from his jacket pocket and read an ancient Latin poetry book entitled Aeneid written by Virgil. From the distance the Tōkaidō shinkansen to Tokyo is visible. The young man next to Hokuto stopped playing his cellphone and touched Hokuto's shoulder, gesturing if it was time, they got ready to leave.

.

.

 

.

SixTONES reached their peak in 2020. Surprised the Johnny's Associate officials who always half-heartedly promoting them, surprised the staff who secretly wanted to do more for the six young men, even it was surprising for SixTONES members themselves. Only fans who always put more hope in them. The debut CD, which reached amazing sales in the middle of the year and the year-end concerts went even greater than expected, once again SixTONES scored a new history. At the end of the concert, six SixTONES members joined hands with each other. The new Juniors who looked innocent and full of curiosity marched to their right and left. Together, bowing deeply, thanking the fans and themselves. When Hokuto raised his head, he felt that his eyes were wet. Next to him, Taiga Kyomoto didn't raise his head. Blurry because of tears but Hokuto still could see Taiga's shoulders trembling. Hokuto can't hold back his tears anymore.

.

.

The Shinkansen can always be relied on to save time, but Hokuto still wants to make the best of his time. He continued his Aeneid book. Amazed with every paragraph he read.

"You better take a rest. There is no need to force yourself. "Said the young man beside him, he was twenty years old, looking pretty handsome with jet black hair and wide jaws. His old blue shirt looked awkward combined with a bright red jacket and blue jeans.

"I have a lot of energy to use, Smart Kid. Why don't you study for your semester exam instead of lecturing me? "Hokuto answered a little sarcastically.

The young man sighed, had no intention of retaliating. He decided to take out the earphone from his backpack, then set the music from the smartphone. Slowly his consciousness faded.

.

.

.

Juri laughed because he was drunk while slamming the door of Hokuto's room and leaving the man alone. Hokuto only drank a shot of _sake_ , he didn't want to experience a headache the next morning. The door opened again, Hokuto thought Juri would appear from behind the door and said that he didn't want to sleep in Jesse and Shintaro's room. But that was Taiga who appeared there, wearing his oversized white jersey.

"Manager-san gave us a box of Ghirardelli chocolates, I think you want some." Taiga said, thrusting a box of chocolates in front of Hokuto's face who seemed to study Taiga's face for a moment, then looked away as their eyes met. Hokuto took a grain and ate it.

"It seems good ..." Taiga muttered.

"Yes…"

"That's not what I meant." Taiga objected, he put the chocolate box on the mattress, pulled Hokuto's hand then — put Hokuto's fingers into his mouth, then licked the faint sweetness left behind by the chocolate.

"W-what!" Hokuto squealed with a voice held in his throat. His blood rustled; he was sure his face was red. Taiga's tongue still plays with his fingers.

"Isn't this what you had hoped for all this time?" Taiga asked, his eyes gleaming mischievously.

Hokuto can't avoid it. Taiga was right, all this time Hokuto looked at Taiga not only as a work colleague. Hokuto always expected more, he had expressed that feeling to Taiga a few years ago, when he didn't really understand the meaning of his feelings. But Taiga fully understood that Hokuto was trapped in a love that he shouldn't feel. Taiga rejected Hokuto's feelings, making their relationship awkward until this moment. Hokuto always tried to avoid Taiga even though Taiga always found Hokuto looking at him hopefully from a distance.

Taiga let go of Hokuto's hand, then touched the young man's face. Hokuto could feel passion and lust in Taiga's sharp gaze. The time is not right and suddenly, but he has longing for this. Taiga put his lips on Hokuto's lips that opened slightly, then aggressively put his tongue into Hokuto's mouth. Taiga touched Hokuto's groin and felt something that had hardened there. Hokuto can feel Taiga smiling in the middle of their kiss.

Hokuto shivered when Taiga tucked his beautiful fingers behind his black shirt. The kiss only gets wetter and deeper. Hokuto felt his passion peaked. Both of them can't runaway anymore. There is no logic and worry there, there is only desire and longing. Hokuto grabbed Taiga's blonde hair, squeezed it as if his life was hanging there. Tears appeared on his eyes again.

.

.

A strong sweet chocolate aroma awakens the young man that sleeping next to Hokuto Matsumura who is still drowning in Virgil’s book. The young man searched for a source of the sweet aroma; he found a woman sitting two chairs in front of him spraying perfume. He chuckled irritably and cursed the woman in his heart.

_I'll never show you how much you are dear to me._

_I wonder what is the colour next to you._

He heard Hokuto humming very softly, barely audible. That song again. The song sounds to be very old so he never heard the song apart from Hokuto's mouth. After all, until he was fourteen, he lived in Siem Reap so he didn't really know Japanese songs. Sometimes he wanted to ask but Hokuto's gaze always seemed sad when mumbling the song. So, the young man concluded that the song was part of one of Hokuto's important youths.

"Seeing Grandpa who is so stiff and serious, no one would have thought that Grandpa used to work as an idol." The young man sincerely commented.

Hokuto hear his grandson's sudden comment.

"If I think about it, I don't understand why I chose that profession. But don't regret it either. "

"I really feel that Grandpa has never regretted it." Hokuto’s grandson smiled.

Hokuto smirked slightly but the ‘regret’ word makes Hokuto's chest hurt.

.

.

Hokuto remembered his mother's anxious face when she rushed into her apartment. At first Hokuto thought he was just mistaken and his mother was fine.

"It's a holiday, I thought you were going out to date maybe." Said Hokuto's mother while putting a box of food she made at home.

"I prefer at home." Hokuto answered, "I’ll get you tea."

"I think you need to bring the girl home for once." His mother said, she smiled awkwardly. Hokuto boils water in the kitchen.

"Mother, you know as a Johnnys—"

"You're dating _a girl,_ right?" Hokuto's mother asked.

"Well, sometimes."

"I mean now."

Hokuto was silent. Now he understood why his mother looked so worried.

Hokuto hates lies, but he also hates to see his mother disappointed with him.

"Certainly."

.

.

Hokuto, who is now eighty-five years old, hears many prayers of people who want to live long or stories where someone wants to have an eternal life, and never understands why people want it. Having a longer age than the closest people only brings suffering. Hokuto lost his wife twenty-one years ago because of brain cancer. Hokuto's only daughter who had never been get along with him went to Siem Reap with her lover since her mother died and Hokuto almost never heard from her other than a short message when his grandson was born and when six years ago his grandson insisted on staying in Japan with him because he hated staying in Siem Reap with his poor parents. Times make Hokuto a different person, he would have held a grudge a few years ago, but now he casually opened the door for his grandson.

Juri died four years ago on the warm bed of a nursing home, leaving a deep wound on Hokuto because he lost his best friend for the rest of his life. Hokuto had not been in touch with Shintaro and Kouchi since they’re in early sixties. Hokuto never knew how they were ever since. Jesse married to a beautiful American woman and lived in Las Vegas since SixTONES disbanded forty years ago, he is still as cheerful and excited as when he was young. Jesse often sent Hokuto strange gifts at Christmas.

And someone who without a single doubt he loved with all his heart, Taiga Kyomoto died at the age of forty-seven, a car accident because he was drunk, polices said. Hokuto stopped his relationship with Taiga a few weeks after his mother's arrival at his apartment. Taiga as someone who was very professional behaved as if nothing had happened until the day, the day that they had a big fight.

.

.

.

"Do you know what made me reject you at first?" Taiga asked in the dance practice room. Taiga told Hokuto that he wanted to talk about something, so they went home later than other members.

Hokuto shook his head, his eyes that looked sincere and innocent did not make Taiga stop his words.

"Because I know you are a coward." Taiga said in a high voice, "I know you cannot be responsible for your decisions and feelings and behave like this, running away from reality. You can't confess to your mother that you love me. "

"Please ... I don't want to discuss this again ... "Hokuto said softly.

"I shouldn't have to respond to cowards like you. You don’t dare tell your mother that you love to having sex with a guy? Ridiculous. "

"Sorry…"

"You think you can play with me?"

"I'm really ..."

Taiga grinned widely. "I'm the one who will play with you, you know who I'm sleeping with yeste—"

A loud voice was heard before Taiga finished his words. Taiga fell on the floor, blood dripping on the tip of his lips. He did not believe Hokuto had just hit his face hard.

Hokuto trembled with anger, his eyes felt hot from holding back tears. He looked at Taiga, and Hokuto swore to see the flash of hatred in Taiga's eyes.

"I regret it ..." Taiga murmured, he smiled bitterly.

Hokuto did not understand what the meaning of ‘regret’ meant by Taiga. He regretted for knowing Hokuto? Or is he regretted that he has returned Hokuto's feelings? Or he regrets his own actions? Hokuto will never know.

Taiga was right, Hokuto was a coward, all he did was turn his back and get out of the room.

.

.

Arriving in Tokyo, Hokuto's grandson helped him take a taxi carefully. Although selfish and arbitrary, Hokuto's grandson is actually caring and loving. The taxi driver immediately runs the car when Hokuto tells the address of his residence. Hokuto spent his time as a husband and book writer after stopping from the glittering world of showbiz. He understood that the publisher used his big name as a former idol, but it didn't matter because he believed that many people would realize that he really wanted to produce good writing.

The radio in the taxi played a song from V6 entitled Timeless. Hokuto reminisced about the song from his senior at Johnnys. Three minutes later the song ended. The radio played a song that sounded familiar in Hokuto's ear. Hokuto's heart hurts.

_I like you I like you I like you_

_You too, are always lost._

_I'll never show you how much you are dear to me._

_I wonder what is the color next to you._

"This song ..." Hokuto's grandson muttered, then looked at his grandfather who looked sad as usual like when he hummed this song.

_Today's nocturnal sky isn't so clear._

_Observing it, you awkwardly laugh._

_In the end, I'm stick to the feathers._

_I tried your hand grasp, nonchalantly looking down._

_I would like to hug you, if you allowed me,_

_Before being struck by the goodbye's rain._

Taiga's figure that was so beautiful and amazing suddenly appeared in Hokuto's memory. Hokuto cannot forget Taiga's sorrowful gaze when attending his marriage with other SixTONES members. Taiga always tried to hurt him since he hit that man's face. But the distance with Taiga only made Hokuto miss him more and felt loneliness in Taiga. Hokuto still remembers clearly how Taiga looked at him with a blank lonely stare when he let Hokuto see him made out with an actor. Hokuto can only apologize and excuse himself. Hokuto is jealous, angry and sad. But he couldn't hate Taiga, what Taiga did only make him sympathetic to him.

Taiga has never spoken to Hokuto ever since. But on the last day he met Hokuto, Taiga said that he made a mistake when he said he was in regret. He never regretted anything related to Hokuto. Hokuto could only be silent, praying for Taiga's happiness every day.

"Grandpa, who sang this song actually?" Asked Hokuto's grandson, forcing a smile on his face.

"Kyomoto Taiga. A legend that everyone needs to remember. "  

_I like you I like you I like you_

_You too, are always lost._

_I guess this thought won't reach you anymore._

_A drop of sadness is flowing on your cheek._

_I'll never show you how much you are dear to me._

_._

_._

The news of Taiga's death was received by Hokuto from Juri by telephone. Hokuto tried to maintain his consciousness, his head felt dizzy and it felt like he was about to collapse. His wife and daughter were worried, but he said that he was unwell and needed time alone in the room. Hokuto doesn't really understand which feelings are bigger in him. Sad or angry. He was sad because he lost the opportunity to make up with Taiga forever and was angry with himself for never having the courage to meet Taiga.

Hokuto remembers Taiga's lonely face when they last met at a cafe in Omotesando.

"I have never regretted all things related to you. I hope you're always happy. I don't want to apologize for hurting you because I was quite hurt by you. "Taiga said. His face looked serious. He was still as beautiful as before even when he reached forty-six. Hokuto himself still looks handsome but he has not paid much attention to his appearance since quitting the show world. While Taiga still makes music, he produces many beautiful songs sung by other artists. Hokuto always listens to his songs even though in the end the song that he remembers the most is Taiga’s song that titled ‘Tears’, because the song's lyrics represent his feelings for Taiga. And Taiga’s beautiful voice is his favourite thing in this world.

"Thank you ..." Only that Hokuto successfully said, he was so full of emotions that his words could not come out. Taiga smiled awkwardly, then left the cafe and never appeared in front of Hokuto again.

Hokuto does not want to believe that Taiga has died and his beautiful body which he always remembers is now become ashes. Lonely buried in a cold and mournful cemetery. Hokuto never visited Taiga's funeral, because for him Taiga never died.

 

.

.

Hokuto's old eyes gazed down at the taxi window, staring at the road he passed without meaningful intentions. Even today, Taiga always stops by in every dream. Hokuto had begun to forget many things, but Taiga's voice, Taiga's skin, Taiga's lips — every detail of Taiga's self could still be remembered well. As Hokuto always believed, Taiga never died.

"Please take me to Aoyama Cemetery." Hokuto said without warning.

"Alright." The taxi driver agreed.

Hokuto's grandson was surprised for a moment, but he began to understand what was happening.

He found his grandfather approaching the tomb of Kyomoto Taiga when he arrived at Aoyama Cemetery. No tears, no bouquets of flowers. Hokuto touched the gravestone board where Taiga's name imprinted.

"I also don't regret it." Hokuto whispered.

What Hokuto's grandson realized, his grandfather's expression was never that cheerful. That day his grandfather decided to forgive himself and release Taiga completely.

.

.

.

.

A year later Hokuto passed away in his vacation home in Shizuoka. His grandson is by his side, sending the grandfather's departure sincerely. He had seen death a number of times, but he had never seen someone die looking so peaceful and happy. Hokuto was indeed gleeful and serene, in his eternal sleep he dreamed again.

The magnificent hall with the latest technology spotlights and thousands of cheering fans carrying light stick have been waiting for six young men who constantly create wonders in the Japanese music industry. Hokuto took a deep breath, trying to calm his heart which was pounding wildly in nervousness, then he felt a warm hand holding his hand. Kyomoto Taiga stood beside him, glancing at him then grinning confidently.

"You can share your nervousness with me." Taiga said while tightening his hand.

Hokuto smiled right when he heard the voice of exclamation from the MC.

"Let’s welcome, SixTONES!"

.

.

 

_I will wait for you till the day I can forget you or till the day you realize you cannot forget me._

_Rather than regret, I need one more chance, one time that is eternal._

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry for the angst. This idea comes when I was on my way to the office, and I was half asleep. 
> 
> Tears composed and sung by Kyomoto Taiga.


End file.
